Time to Stop Feeling Guilty
The other day I bought myself a new pair of pants. This may not seem announcement-worthy, but it’s so rare I buy myself anything new it’s headline inducing. I wonder why I’m always the last one in the family to spend money on myself -and why do I always feel guilty when I buy something personal.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband isn’t out spending our money right and left. He only buys what we need (for the most part) and he’s not one to impulsively buy expensive toys. When he does buy something however, he doesn’t think twice about spending the money. I agonize for a while before buying a new toothbrush.
I have a job. Though I work at home, I still earn a full time wage. It’s not like I’m just take, take, taking. Does anyone else get the guilts when it comes to spending money?
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POSTED IN: Around the House, General, Simpler Thinking
10 opinions for Time to Stop Feeling Guilty
Julie F.
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:20 am
All the time. My husband hates shopping with me when it is time for me to finally get myself something. Something goes in the cart, then goes out later. By the time we are ready to check out, I tell him to forget it, everything is too expensive. I feel so guilty because I imagine the other places we need to spend the cash.
Meg from All About Appearances
Feb 28, 2008 at 11:04 am
I do, mostly because I spend more than I bring in and I know we wouldn’t be in debt if I had a regular job.
Granted, I’ve always believed that it’s “our” money, and that housewives especially deserve just as much a take in the income, but I’ve never felt like a “housewife” and I never planned to be one. I’m working on a lot of things, but they haven’t made much money yet, and I’m working on a lot of stuff for the household, but we share a lot of the household stuff. In fact, I’m more of the researcher/manager while he’s more of the doer. So, even 6 years after getting married, I’m still trying to define my role.
Funny how thoughts like that come up while trying on shoes, but I guess it is all connected.
Nicole
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I often feel the same way. Currently I’m not working for pay, but taking care of our house and our 18 month old. I often feel conflicted and guilty when I want to buy myself something new, partly because of the money involved and also because I feel like I don’t really need it. We are trying to be thrifty and green, and buying myself new clothes or books doesn’t really seem necessary.
I received some money as a Xmas present and I am still holding onto it because I can’t decide what’s worth spending the money on: new spring clothes, something frivolous or put it in the bank.
But I guess all of this is better than spending money on goods and services that we really don’t need.
Stephanie Chance
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I do, but I am trying to stop. I make 1/3 of the household income, and since my husband brings home the other 2/3 he seems to think he is the ‘bread winner,’ and always says that HE paid for this and HE paid for that, and I’m wondering, then where does the money I make go if HE pays for everything? I work full time and do most of the housework and child care, despite the fact that he claims he does most of it, so I am tired of him trying to make me feel like I don’t deserve to buy a few books from Amazon (which I take to a used book store to trade after I read them) when he just spent over $100 on a stupid paintball gun, a hobby that will only cost more and more money.
Stephanie Chance
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Besides the fact that I manage the money and know when we can afford to spend a few dollars here and there, but he just buys whatever he wants when he wants it and doesn’t even check the balance or what bills are still owed to see if we can afford it at that time. And I am lucky if he even tells me about it before it clears the bank. He just thinks he deserves to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. And I am supposed to carry the guilt for both of us. Well, enough of that! We have been married for seven years, and he is still acting like a selfish child. It is time to put my foot down!
PreSchool Mama
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Now that I am working and able to contribute to the household expenses, I am a little easy on myself when I splurge on clothes, and stuff. But, I still can’t buy anything on a whim. There has to be a special occasion to justify the purchase. Some things just stay with you.
DramaMama
Feb 29, 2008 at 6:54 am
I’m right there w/you Nicole. Since I’m an SAHM too I always feel like I shouldn’t be spending the money when my hubby could use some new undershirts or socks. And I’m just like you Julie, my hubby hates to shop w/me! He’s recently started to threaten to use a timer. He tells me he doesn’t care if I get stuff under $10, but if I’m going to spend time making a decision about stuff under $30 he wants to see it happen in 10 minutes. “Time is money!” When did we start to sound like our parents??
Samantha
Mar 1, 2008 at 1:12 am
Oh yah I always get that way, even when I sell an article and get some extra money I usually spend it on the family then myself. Its also from years of being frugal to think twice before spending. I also think its the love from being a mother :)
L. L. Woodard
Mar 1, 2008 at 9:05 pm
I think that the feelings of always doing for someone else and leaving ourselves for very last is part cultural and part biology. As the sex that has most traditionally had the caregiver duties we take care of everyone except ourselves.
I finally began to put a little aside from each job/project and would use that to reward myself from time to time. Each time I did that, I felt less guilty than the time before.
Kate
Mar 3, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I always feel guilty when i buy anything. I have to spend hours after talking to myself in my head trying to justify the spend. So in the end i find it easier not to buy myself much at all.
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